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 Parental
Superpowers'Jelly Mom' submits article we can all relate to.
The horror of
horrors for all parents is when their children
act like twerps in public.
Kids rely on parents
to be embarrassed. They hope we let them get
away with stuff in public because we’re too
embarrassed to raise our voices and keep them in
line, so they think they have the upper hand.
It doesn’t matter
how good we parent at home. Kids live in the
present. And when it comes to behavior in
public, there’s no time like the present—and
they go
for it.
That’s why God gave
parents superpowers.
At the first sign of
trouble a parent must be able to halt a child
with a glance. Now this is a very powerful
glance. One eye squints while the eyebrow over
the other eye rises very slowly. Yet, in order
for this glance to work, it requires that you
first catch your child’s attention.
To remedy this God
made parents ventriloquists. When your child
won’t hold still long enough for the glance to
work, you clamp your teeth together and growl:
“Knock it off!”
Of course, most
children pretend they don’t hear. They
just carry on, bobbing around in place and
making a fuss. So God gave parents heat-ray
vision.
Heat-ray vision
allows a parent to zero in on a child and glare
him or her into submission. It’s called “The
Look.” It’s when a parent’s eyes narrow into two
very small slits. Kids know that when they get
“The Look” they have crossed over the double
line and are headed for disaster if they keep it
up.
But, knowing
kids—especially my boys—danger just makes
shenanigans all the more exciting.
So I’m out in public
and I’ve tried to catch my oldest son’s
attention with a glance. When that fails, I grit
my teeth and throw my voice, telling him to “Sit
down and be quiet!”
This buys me about
three minutes of compliance. Then, the antics
start up again.
To the outside world
parents in public don’t look as harried as they
feel when they throw their voices and use heat
vision to get their kids to settle down.
This is why most parents look clueless to
certain people who do not have kids but who
think they know better how to parent than the
parents themselves.
Parents aren’t
zoning, they’re using another God given power
called mind over matter. “I don’t mind because
you don’t matter.” This allows parents to cool
down and get emotional distance while they
gather their brood.
If you listen
carefully, you might hear that mother using
another superpower—guilt. “I carried you for
nine-months and give birth to you and THIS is
the thanks I get?”
Jelly Mom™ is
written by Lisa Barker, mother of five and
author of "Just Because Your Kids Drive You
Insane... Doesn't Mean You Are A Bad
Parent!" and is syndicated through Martin-Ola
Press/Parent To Parent. To publish
Jelly Mom, buy the book or leave comments,
please visit
www.jellymom.com.
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